Restaurants that bar my way
About half-a-dozen Melbourne restaurants — possibly more — won’t let me in. Their staff are directed to stand in the entrance and bar my way. They are ordered to say such pathetic mealy-mouthings as, ‘We’ve been told not to make a table available for you’.
It restricts my trade, of course, and somewhat diminishes my effectiveness as a restaurant critic. But I don’t think the gutless wide-boy restaurateurs who prosecute such a policy worry much about that. They’re more interested in stealing an unfair advantage on their competitors. And their policy hurts the Melbourne eating-out scene in general by rendering impossible any complete assessment of it.
Most unfairly for their fellow-restaurateurs, they avoid running even the risk of a negative review from me.
Among the places that bar me are some of Melbourne’s alleged top tables. I’m unable to tell you if they are or aren’t, of course. And is there solidarity among restaurant critics? You’ve gotta be joking. Knowing I’m barred from these places, my alleged colleagues seem to publicise them and review them with greater vigour. I think they should boycott them.
Friends have suggested I go to these places as a member of a big group of diners or in disguise. (Read ‘Critics in disguise’ for my views on restaurant critics who glue on false moustaches.) If I’m turned away, then the restaurant loses considerable revenue because the group I’m with leaves with me. I’m not going to debate the ethics of either of these suggestions, but I won’t take them up. Just let me say that if I adopted either of them I’d be dwelling with the sewer-rats of restaurateurs who bar me.
